Tehilla Luttig
Tehilla Luttig
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
When we fall in love, it’s easy to see the best in each other. Then life gets added to love: children, careers, hormones, sleepless nights, mental load and disappointments. Slowly, the person who once felt like your safest place can start to feel like the person who doesn’t understand you at all.
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We think the love changed. We think we have a communication problem.
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But the problem isn’t always the problem.
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Our first relationships taught us how to be in relationship. We learned to adapt, protect ourselves and take on roles that helped us feel safe, loved or accepted. We became the pleaser, the fixer, the responsible one, the independent one, the pursuer or the one who pulls away.
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Over time, those adaptations can feel so much like us that we mistake them for our personality.
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With over 15 years in private practice and two decades of working with individuals, couples and families, my work explores how those first relationships shaped your identity and how those patterns are showing up in your relationships today.
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I bring together psychology, relationship science, body-based work and a grace-based understanding of God and identity.
Because this work isn’t only about communicating better. It’s about seeing yourself for who you really are underneath who you learned to be, discovering the wholeness that was yours before the world told you otherwise, and learning to live from there.
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"We’ve gotten more in thirty minutes with you than we did from four months with our previous therapist."
- Couple (NZ)
It's not a communication issue.
We are multifaceted people, and so are our relationships. There’s your relationship with your partner, your children, your family, your body, your past, yourself and God. They don’t exist in separate little boxes. They shape and influence each other.
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I’m a licensed counsellor turned international relationship and identity coach, with 13 years in private practice and over 20 years of working with children and families.
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Whether you’re married, single, divorced, parenting, rebuilding or simply trying to understand yourself better, the thread through all my work is the same: identity and relationships.
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Because life will have storms. My passion is helping people create families that become the safe harbour within them, a place where you can be known, belong, grow and come home to each other again.
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That’s why you’ll find different avenues here: coaching, books, courses, resources and writing that explore the many relationships that make up a life.
realign with the love, wealth and health of your true design
If living small was all you were meant for, it wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.
This work helps you recognise who you really are, and you're worth meeting.
About Tehilla (Ti-hee-la)
I’m interested in what’s underneath the problem.
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I’ve worked with families since 2002, and private practice since 2013. I’m endlessly curious about why we do what we do, especially when we know better and somehow find ourselves doing it anyway.
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I’m also a wife and mother, which has been its own rather thorough education in relationships, identity, over-functioning and the humbling discovery that knowing the theory does not make you immune to being human.
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My work is about finding the pattern beneath the pattern: what we learned in our first relationships, how we adapted, what we came to believe was simply our personality, and what becomes possible when we see ourselves for who we really are and begin living from wholeness instead.
I work internationally online as a relationship and identity coach, to help people navigate this messy thing called life, love and relationships, and live more aligned with their true design.
My own faith is Christian and deeply rooted in grace, but you don’t need to believe what I believe to belong here. I work with individuals and couples across faiths, cultures, genders and sexual orientations. Come as you are. Tattoos, questions, doubts and colourful language are all welcome.
I write, teach, coach and create courses because I want these ideas to reach far beyond the few people I can sit with privately.
I see you and I love what I see.
"The same God who is forming galaxies this very second, whose breath expands the universe, fashioned you.
You are made of creative fire. The force that spins planets flows through your veins. You were thought of before time had a name, and you already are the masterpiece He envisioned - stunning, irreplaceable, wholly alive."
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Excerpt from my book, God Speaks Wealth
Start here:
You have a divine voice. A flavour that's uniquely yours. No one else can create what you can with God.
When you untangle imprints from childhood - love, money, health, joy - all come more natural.
For those who want the deepest level of personalised support.
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After years of loving the brain and psychology, working in private practice I realised we’d been working backwards - starting with the conscious mind when the triggers and conditioning sit underneath it. With BWRT, Parts Work, Inner Child Reparenting and Body-EQ, we go to where the pattern is actually held and rewrite it. I've found it not only more effective, but faster too.
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This is where we stop managing symptoms and change what your nervous system does with your history. Online worldwide, or as a private fly-in intensive.
Private Coaching
Learn at your own pace. Growth for a lifetime.
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Every person I work with is unique, and the same core patterns keep showing up anyway: a handful of pillars that quietly make life harder or steadier. The Ultimate Relationship Toolbox holds those foundations. It’s the teaching I’d take you through in the first months of private work, in a form you can return to whenever an old pattern surfaces.
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I wanted these within reach whether or not you ever work with me privately. They should be taught at school. They aren’t, so they’re here instead. (They also make excellent wedding gifts.)
CoursesÂ
Daily devotionals and close conversations with God.
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Reflective encounters on the identity beneath wealth, health and relationships.
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Too many people have been hurt by the doctrine of Christianity and not experienced the embrace of Christ. Whether you’re a devout Christian, a scarred and sceptical believer, or someone deeply conflicted and on the edge of it all, these books are about you. And God. And the wholeness of your being. God believes in you whether you believe in Him or not.
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Read one day at a time, in any order.
Books
Get to know yourself better, in two minutes.
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I’m a sucker for quizzes. They’re short, but they can show you a lot.
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What’s Your Relationship Personality Type?
Discover the patterns you fall into when connection feels uncertain.
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Relationship Alignment Assessment
See what’s offline right now: Identity, EQ, Capacity or Tools.
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How Defensive Are You Really?
I always thought my partner was the defensive one, until I realised that’s exactly what defensive people think.
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All free. Start where you’re curious.
Quizzes
Tehilla is 1 in a 1 000 000!!! . ..
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From the very first session you walk out of her rooms feeling understood, comfortable, heard and her approach is tailored to you specifically with her commitment to the health of each individual and their relationship as a whole. ..
Her beautiful nature spills over into her passion, her knowledge and experience is second to none.
Nikki -
Google Review
Wow! It was truly one of the most powerful, intense and significant experiences of my life. ..
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Thank you for holding the safest, most compassionate space for me to go and meet that little girl, to see her and make her feel seen, to protect her and make her feel protected, to set her free and make her feel loved and bring back the possibility of joy to both her and me.
MS -Â
Weekend Intensive
"I felt the full benefits of BWRT yesterday. I bumped into my ex [who had cheated] and his new girlfriend at the shops. It did catch me off guard, but I did not feel angry at all or even sad. ..​
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I just wanted to say thank you for helping me through this difficult year. I really appreciate you.Â
LC -Â
South Africa
I absolutely love your wealth of knowledge beyond my issue. You connect dots that I didn't see. You held space for me, no matter where the session brought us. ..
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I thought I came to work with you on my sex life. But it was so much more than that. I processed grief, anger, abandonment, fear, and feeling different to my family of origin.
SF -
Europe
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